Justice Never Sleeps! Or Does it?
by Syaoran No Ichiban Aikousha
Summary: Hey! Here's another dose of weirdness from the "Slayers Theatre"!


Title: Justice Never Sleeps! Or Does It?

Author: Syaoran No Ichiban Aikousha

Author's Notes: Thanks for joining me at "The Slayers Theatre"! Please enjoy my screwed up story.

Disclaimer: Slayers isn't mine!

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Ameria: *Sparkling eyes* Finally! I have my first lead part!

Lina: Yeah, yeah..

Naga: Lets get this show on the road! *Pulls up the curtain as everyone frantically responds to the quick start and darts to their places*

Lina: NAGA!

[ On stage ]

Naga: **Hello, dear audience! Welcome to our little feature presentation, "Sleeping Beauty"! We begin in a big castle where Sleeping Beauty has just been born.**

[ King, as played by Gourry Gabriev ]

Gourry: **Thank you, fairies, for coming to the birth of** ... um, Filia..

[ Queen, as played by Filia ul Copt ]

Filia: What?

Gourry: What's the kid's name?

Filia: *Goes blank* Name?... 

Gourry: Yeah.

Filia: ... 

Gourry: *Look of confusion*

[ Fairy #1, as played by Sylpheel Nels Rada ]

Sylpheel: Lets just begin giving her our gifts! *Waves her wand over the "baby"* **She shall be kind and loved by all.**

[ Fairy #2, as played by Martina ]

Martina: *Waves her wand* **And she shall be beautiful, with the voice of an angel!..** *Blushes* Much like myself!

[ Fairy #3, as played by Lina Inverse ]

Lina: *Glares at Martina*  Lets not cause a disaster, Martina... *Waves her wand* **And--**

[ Evil Fairy, as played by Xelloss Metallium ]

Xelloss: *Cheerfully* **Wait a minute!**

Gourry: **What are you doing here?**

Xelloss: **Oh, I would just like to know why I wasn't invited to this.**

Filia: **We..**

Xelloss: **I'll just give the baby my own little present.** *Waves his wand*

[ Backstage ]

Ameria: Zelgadis-san, you're not uncomfortable with the play?

Zelgadis: *Blush* I-I can do it..

Ameria: *Looks away and turns red*

[ On stage ]

Xelloss: **At the age of sixteen, she shall prick her finger on a spinning wheel and die!** *Gets a tingling feeling* Oh, my.. the audience is reacting to this very well... *Smiles*

Gourry: Xelloss?

Lina: *Sigh*

Filia: That namagomi...

Xelloss: *Flashes out*

Gourry: **Oh what shall we do?**

Filia: **Our baby is doomed..**

Lina: *Triumphantly* **She is not! I have not yet used my gift. Although I cannot undo all of what has been done, I can alter it.** *Waves her wand*** The princess shall not die, but she shall sleep. For a hundred years and can only be awakened with a kiss.**

Gourry: WAIT!

*Everyone stares at Gourry in surprise*

Gourry: ... If she pricks her finger and sleeps for a hundred years............. wouldn't that make her over a hundred years old when the prince comes??

*CRASH*

*Curtain falls*

[ Backstage ]

Ameria: Now, it is time for the big climax of the story! 

Gourry: I thought the climax was when the evil fairy came..

Ameria: W-Well..

Lina: Gourry knows what a climax is?.. 

Naga: WE'RE ON!

[ On stage ]

*Curtain flies up*

Naga: **Sixteen years pass and the princess does turn out to be all of the things the fairies said she would.**

[ Backstage ]

Lina: Hmph.. sixteen? I'm more sixteen than Ameria..

Zelgadis: I think you've had enough leading parts.

Lina: *Wink* Someone with my talents could never get enough leads, right, Zel?

Zelgadis: *Blushes and looks away with a scoff* Whatever you say...

[ On stage ]

Naga: **The king and queen had ordered for all of the spining wheels in town to be burned.** Ohohoho! Wise choice, your highness, but did they really think it'd work?

Lina: Stick to the script!

Naga: Fine. **The princess was also a very curious princess. As she was wandering about the castle one day, she had discovered a room in one of the towers. Entering it, she saw an old lady, bent over a spinning wheel.**

Ameria: **Oh, hello! Who are you?**

Xelloss: *In disguise* **Oh, I am just a simple spinner. Would you like to try it?**

Ameria: **Of course!** *Reaches over and accidently pricks herself and falls to the ground* **A-Ack...**

Xelloss: Oh, something wrong, Ameria-san?

Ameria: ... Just fell a bit harder than I expected... *Closes her eyes and pretends to sleep*

Naga: **And at that moment, the entire castle seem to fall asleep! The castle stood still and silent for 100 years.. and then..**

[ Prince, as played by Zelgadis ]

Zelgadis: **O-Oh, look! A castle...**

Naga: **The prince approached the castle with much curiousity.**

Zelgadis: *Enters the castle to find everyone asleep* **I wonder what happened.**

Naga: **He searched around and came to the room where Sleeping Beauty was.**

Zelgadis: ... 

[ Backstage ]

Martina: I don't know why we never rehearsed it. If we did, the "awakening" scene wouldn't be so strange.

Lina: I didn't think they'd pull it off. *Sigh* Just look at them! They're already jumping out of their skins.

Gourry: ... How is that possible?

Lina: I'll show you possible... 

[ On stage ]

Naga: **The prince found the mysterious girl so enchanting and beautiful, he couldn't help but give her a kiss...**

Zelgadis: *Freezes*

Naga: *Smiles* Ahem... **He couldn't help but give her a kiss...!**

*Nothing happens*

[ Backstage ]

Lina: Geh, what'd I tell ya'?

Filia: This is the big scene, though! We have to think of something..

Sylpheel: Hmm, how about.. 

[ On stage ]

Zelgadis: Um.. ah.. 

Naga: **Help but give her a kiss...!!**

Ameria: *Whispers* Z-Zelgadis-san..?

Zelgadis: *Scowls and blushes* I said I could do this..

[ Backstage ]

Lina: It might just work... Everyone know what to do?

Everyone: *Nods*

[ On stage ]

Naga: ... *TwitchTwitch* No problem.. just.. keep narrating.. **As the prince stared at the sleeping figure in a trance, he gently leaned over and...**

Zelgadis: ... 

Ameria: ..

Gourry & Filia: *Run to the audience and sit amongst them*

Zelgadis: What.. ?

[ Backstage ]

Lina: Alright.. looks like everyone's in place. *Whispers* Levitation..! *Rises to the ceiling and grabs onto the bar that the curtain hangs off of, deactivating the spell* Now.. FIRE... BALL! *Shoots the spell all the way to the back of the room, behind the audience*

[ On stage ]

Ameria: *Jumps up* What?!

Filia: _H-Hey! What was that??_ *Points to the back*

Audience: *Heads jerk to where the spell landed*

Gourry: _Oh, lets all stare at it!_

Audience: *Stares at it in awe*

Martina: *Runs out to the stage while the audience continues focusing their attention to the back of the room*

Lina: Now!

Martina: Gotcha'! *Makes the kiss-y noise and winks* _Muah!_

Lina: Y-Yeah, good enough.. now out with you!

Martina: Lina!

Lina: *Raises her hand* Di--

Martina: *Runs off*

Filia: _Oh, well.. lets look at the play again!_

Gourry: Hey.. look, Lina broke the door..

Filia: Gourry-san!

Gourry: _R-Right!_ *They run off and slip backstage*

Sylpheel: I thought that was believable..

Lina: You're kidding, right?

[ On stage ]

Ameria: Um.. well, **I'm .. up..**

Zelgadis: .. **Yes.. it appears that way.**

Naga: .. *Confused* Ohohoho! Trying to pull the wool over Naga the Serpant's eyes? Well, it won't work! **Thus the prince and princess lived a happy life together! The end!**

[ Backstage ]

Ameria & Zelgadis: What happened??

Lina: You too just stood there and played "The Stare At Each Other" game! We had to push you along!

Gourry: I didn't get much of a part in that play..

Filia: Neither did I.

Sylpheel: *Peeks out at the audience* They do not appear to be too happy.

Lina: What?! After all that we did?!

Xelloss: Well, I admit it wasn't much.

Zelgadis: The audience doesn't feel very satisfied, I suppose.

Lina: *Clenches her fist* Ungrateful people ... *Heads out to the stage*

Gourry: *Holds Lina back* L-Lina! 

Martina: Showing that violent and merciless side of you isn't going to help! 

Lina: ... Violent and merciless.. ? 

Ameria: I know! How about we give them another play! A short one! 

Sylpheel: But we haven't rehearsed..

Zelgadis: I doubt rehearsals help anyway..

Lina: We have no costumes either.

Ameria: I don't think that'll be too much of a trouble. Lets see.. we could easily pull off something easy..

Sylpheel: *Clasps her hands together* How about, the Three Billy Goats Gruff? It's a cute little story. And short.

Lina: If it's short... then I suppose so. I've never heard of this story, so I'll go along with you guys.

Sylpheel: Okay, here's the cast...

- Minutes pass ... -

Xelloss: **Welcome, audience! Here's an unexpected little showing of "The Three Billy Goats Gruff"! Once upon a time, there lived three goats.**

[ Little goat, as played by Zelgadis Greywards ]

Zelgadis: ... I'm not "baa-ing"...

[ Middle sized goat, as played by Gourry Gabriev ]

Gourry: **Baa!**

[ Big goat, as played by Lina Inverse ]

Lina: Why do I have to be the huge goat?!

Xelloss: **One day, they passed a bridge..**

Lina: .. *Angrily* **That grass--**

[ Backstage ]

Filia: Lina-san, happy tone!

[ On stage ]

Lina: **.. T-That grass on the other side of the bridge is the best there ever was. **Why do I have to do this?

Zelgadis: **Oh.. then we must go to it.**

[ Backstage ]

Filia: The group of the most depressed goats in the world...

[ On stage ]

Lina: **You cannot because there lives a troll beneath it. **

Gourry: **But I'm hungry!**

Lina: I wonder if he means himself or the goat.. 

Zelgadis: **Is.. Is there any way to get to it?**

Lina: **Well, I have a plan.**

Xelloss: **As the Little goat approaches the bridge, the troll appears.**

[ Troll, as played by Ameria Wil Telsa Saillune ]

Ameria: This isn't fair! Why was I chosen for the troll??

Zelgadis: Your line, Ameria.

Ameria: .. **W-Who dares.. come tapping .. on my.. bridge?**

Zelgadis: **I do.. I am the .. Little .. Billy Goat..**

Ameria: ...

Zelgadis: *Sighs* .. **Gruff.**

Ameria: **Oh.. look.. my dinner has**--.. I can't do this! Why do I want to eat Zelgadis-san?

Zelgadis: **Oh, you don't want to eat ME.. Another goat is coming this way.. much bigger than I am..**

Ameria: Alright**.. alright.** **Go on.**

Zelgadis: *Walks past*

Xelloss: **And the second goat approaches..**

Ameria: **Who dares.. come tapping on my bridge?**

Gourry: **Me!** Um.. that other goat gruff.. 

Ameria: **.. So you must be that goat the little one spoke of.. I.. am c-coming to eat you.. R-rawr...**

Gourry: **Oh, you don't want to eat me! Another goat is coming .. much bigger than me!**

Ameria: **Fine. Go.**

Gourry: *Walks onto the bridge ... CRASH* .. Um..

[ Backstage ]

Filia: ... There goes our bridge.

Sylpheel: Poor Gourry-sama..

[ On stage ]

Xelloss: **Finally, the third, Big goat--**

Lina: What's the meaning of this!? Calling me bigger than Gourry!! He broke the bridge!!! What am I supposed to do to cross?! Fly? Swim?

[ Backstage ]

Martina: Lina, the flying goat! *Laughs*

[ On stage ]

Ameria: **So you're the big dinner.. I've been waiting for--**

Lina: BIG DINNER?!

Ameria: .. Well, it says that you're the biggest billy go--

Lina: WHO SAYS? 

[ Backstage ]

Martina: That's right! Lina's ANYTHING but big! *Snickers*

[ On stage ]

Lina: *TwitchTwitchTwitchTwitchTwitchTwitchTwitch*.... 

Ameria: L-Lina-san?

Lina: *Mumbles something*

Gourry: Hey! Lina?

Lina: *Continues mumbling*

Xelloss: Come now, Lina-san. Have a sense of humor. *Smiles*

Ameria: *Tries resuming the play* **Y-You must be the ... B-B--**

[ Backstage ]

Filia: Ameria! Refrain from using the "B" word!

[ On stage ]

Ameria: *Thinks frantically as Lina continues mumbling* **You must be .. the ... the ..** larg-- no, .. **the ..**

Gourry: But, "Big"'s in the script..

Ameria: Gourry-san!!

Lina: --that you and I possess!!!

Zelgadis: LINA!

Ameria: Oh no! *Dives behind the set*

Gourry: Gah! When did she start--?!

[ Backstage ]

Martina: LINAA!! Why must you get so mad!!??

[ On stage ]

Xelloss: Oh, this is my cue to be leaving now-- *Choke* L-Lina-san?

Lina: *Grabs onto Xelloss's collar* 

Xelloss: This does appear to be "The End", doesn't it?..

Gourry: But, we didn't finish the whole story yet… Lina got all mad because she's a big goat… 

Everyone: GOURRY!!

Lina: DRAGON SLAAAVE!!

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Have a little fairy tale or something you'd like to see acted out by Lina and Co.? Please, let me know!

- Syaoran No Ichiban Aikousha -


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